How can this Course Help You?
A bit about the 'Negative Cycle' and how you can get help in spotting it, and stopping it
In Most Relationships,
Negative Patterns can Sneak up on You During Times of Stress
Even in the best of times, relationships have hard times. When children are born, transitions, moving in together to name just a few, it can seem like the rug is getting pulled out. Rest assured that this is normal, and by slowing it down and discovering specific patterns, what gets them going, and how to stop them; you will be on the road to healing and getting close again.
Discover what Patterns get you Stuck
The first step is understanding and recognizing repetitive negative patterns - the assumptions and behaviors that get you stuck and feeling disconnected from your partner.
Spot and Transform your assumptions
Figure out what assumptions are driving your experience of your partner and relationship. Through concrete exercises, learn how to recognize and transform the 'story' you tell yourself about your partner's intentions.
Implement A Positive Connective Cycle
Slow down reactive emotions and behaviors - learn to transform them into a more vulnerable language your partner can understand. This turns upset and alienation into connection and emotional safety.
Course Curriculum
What is my Relationships' 'Negative Cycle'?
Available in
days
days
after you enroll
- Introduction - About This Course and How to use It (1:22)
- What is a Negative Cycle or Pattern in a Relationship? (2:53)
- Examples of Typical Negative Cycles in Relationships (6:10)
- Components of the Negative Pattern - What Triggers You? (2:13)
- What do You do when You are Triggered? (4:26)
- Exercise - Talk with Your Partner About Negative Cycles You Have Seen (4:29)
- PDF - What is a Negative Cycle / Basic Components
Assumptions - Thoughts that get Your Side of the Pattern Going
Available in
days
days
after you enroll
- How Your Stories and Assumptions Drive the Negative Cycle (4:43)
- Examples of Assumptions and Stories We Tell Ourselves (3:30)
- The Meaning we Make when we are Triggered (5:12)
- What Situations or Cues Trigger Your Story? (4:25)
- Exercise - Think About two of Your own Stories - What Meaning do you Make about the Relationship? (2:09)
- Exercise - Share one of Your Stories with Your Partner (2:45)
- PDF - The Negative Cycle - Your Triggers and Stories
Deepening Your Understanding of Assumptions / Your Story and Where it Comes From
Available in
days
days
after you enroll
- Why are Our Stories So Important in Driving the Negative Cycle? (4:55)
- Where do Our Stories and Assumptions Originate? Hint - it's Usually not Your Partner! (4:08)
- Examples of Origins of Negative Stories and Assumptions (6:13)
- Exercise - Mapping out Your Story and Where it Originates (3:07)
- Exercise - Share one of Your old Family Stories with Your Partner (2:56)
- PDF - Stories / Assumptions and where they Originate
Reactive Feelings Born out of Negative Beliefs and Stories
Available in
days
days
after you enroll
- Protective (Reactive) Feelings that Come from the Negative Story (1:32)
- Why do we have Reactive Feelings? What is Their Purpose? (3:47)
- Layers of Feelings - What Might be Lurking Underneath Reactivity? (3:47)
- Examples of Typical Reactive Feelings (3:29)
- Exercise - What are your Reactive Feelings that Stem from a Belief About Your Partner's Intentions (2:55)
- Exercise - Share What You Understand About the Reactive Emotion and the Story it Comes From with Your Partner. (2:38)
- PDF - Reactive Feelings Born out of Your Story
Behaviors - How Our Actions Help Drive the Negative Cycle
Available in
days
days
after you enroll
- What are Reactive Behaviors - Some Examples (8:23)
- How Our Nervous System Goes From 0-60 - Driving Behavior (2:34)
- When We Were Young - How Those Behaviors Helped and Made Sense at the time (2:51)
- Examples of Reactive Emotions and Behaviors and Where They Come From (5:24)
- How Reactive Emotions and Behaviors Create Disconnection with Your Partner (2:51)
- Exercise - Map out Your Reactive Behaviors (and the Reactive Emotions They Stem From) and Share Them with Your Partner (4:04)
- PDF - Reactive Behaviors that Drive the Negative Cycle
The Deeper Emotions - Vulnerability
Available in
days
days
after you enroll
- Vulnerability - The Key to Connection with Your Partner (1:14)
- What is Vulnerability Exactly and how do I Know I'm Doing It? (4:37)
- Vulnerable Emotions and the Nervous System can be Driven by Negative Stories. Unfortunately We Don't Know it at the Time (3:04)
- Examples of Vulnerable Emotions Driven by Your Story and Resulting Expectation (6:47)
- Exercise - What are the Vulnerable Emotions Triggered by Your Stories and Beliefs? Write Them Down (4:11)
- Exercise - Share the Vulnerable Emotion You Discovered with Your Partner (4:30)
- PDF - Vulnerability
Vulnerable Feelings - How to Calm the Nervous System so that You can Access Them
Available in
days
days
after you enroll
- Why it's so Hard to Share Vulnerably (3:50)
- How to Create Safety in Order to Share Vulnerably (5:29)
- The Gift of Your Hard Work - Connection (3:15)
- Exercise - Box Breath and Calming the Nervous System (2:16)
- Exercise - Take time to Know You are Really Being Vulnerable - How to Support and Encourage Yourself in that Process (4:53)
- Exercise - Now that You are Feeling Safer, Share Something Vulnerable with Your Partner (5:18)
- PDF - Learning to Calm Down the Nervous System so that Vulnerability is Possible
Ok, Sounds Good, but How do I Really put This into Practice?
Available in
days
days
after you enroll
- Notice when the Negative Cycle is Happening and call it Out (4:43)
- The Function of the Time-Out and how to call it Responsibly (4:24)
- Calming the Nervous System and Making Your Partner Right (4:39)
- How to set the Stage to Share Vulnerably even when You Don't Want To (3:22)
- Exercise - Naming and Sharing Your Resistance - Tell Your Partner that You are Having Trouble Sharing Vulnerably (2:35)
- Exercise - Connecting the Dots - Sharing all the Layers (5:07)
- PDF - Reactive Behaviors and how They Fuel the Negative Cycle
Putting it All Together
Available in
days
days
after you enroll
- Remember the Most Important Thing - Vulnerability Equals Connection (1:57)
- It's Not Only About the Words - Learning how to Slow Your Reactions and Access Real Vulnerability (3:18)
- Being Patient with Yourself and Your Partner as You Work on Changing Patterns (3:37)
- Second and Third Chances (5:11)
- How to Keep Working on This - Give Yourselves Time and be Gentle (3:46)
- Exercise - More Practice Sharing Your Story, Reactive Emotions, Reactive Behaviors, and Your Underlying Vulnerability with Your Partner (2:40)
- Exercise - Setting Goals and Future Wishes with Your Partner (3:23)
- PDF - Summing it all Up