What is my Relationships' 'Negative Cycle'?
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Introduction - About This Course and How to use It (1:22)
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What is a Negative Cycle or Pattern in a Relationship? (2:53)
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Examples of Typical Negative Cycles in Relationships (6:10)
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Components of the Negative Pattern - What Triggers You? (2:13)
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What do You do when You are Triggered? (4:26)
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Exercise - Talk with Your Partner About Negative Cycles You Have Seen (4:29)
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PDF - What is a Negative Cycle / Basic Components
Assumptions - Thoughts that get Your Side of the Pattern Going
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How Your Stories and Assumptions Drive the Negative Cycle (4:43)
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Examples of Assumptions and Stories We Tell Ourselves (3:30)
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The Meaning we Make when we are Triggered (5:12)
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What Situations or Cues Trigger Your Story? (4:25)
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Exercise - Think About two of Your own Stories - What Meaning do you Make about the Relationship? (2:09)
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Exercise - Share one of Your Stories with Your Partner (2:45)
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PDF - The Negative Cycle - Your Triggers and Stories
Deepening Your Understanding of Assumptions / Your Story and Where it Comes From
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Why are Our Stories So Important in Driving the Negative Cycle? (4:55)
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Where do Our Stories and Assumptions Originate? Hint - it's Usually not Your Partner! (4:08)
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Examples of Origins of Negative Stories and Assumptions (6:13)
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Exercise - Mapping out Your Story and Where it Originates (3:07)
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Exercise - Share one of Your old Family Stories with Your Partner (2:56)
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PDF - Stories / Assumptions and where they Originate
Reactive Feelings Born out of Negative Beliefs and Stories
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Protective (Reactive) Feelings that Come from the Negative Story (1:32)
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Why do we have Reactive Feelings? What is Their Purpose? (3:47)
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Layers of Feelings - What Might be Lurking Underneath Reactivity? (3:47)
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Examples of Typical Reactive Feelings (3:29)
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Exercise - What are your Reactive Feelings that Stem from a Belief About Your Partner's Intentions (2:55)
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Exercise - Share What You Understand About the Reactive Emotion and the Story it Comes From with Your Partner. (2:38)
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PDF - Reactive Feelings Born out of Your Story
Behaviors - How Our Actions Help Drive the Negative Cycle
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What are Reactive Behaviors - Some Examples (8:23)
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How Our Nervous System Goes From 0-60 - Driving Behavior (2:34)
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When We Were Young - How Those Behaviors Helped and Made Sense at the time (2:51)
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Examples of Reactive Emotions and Behaviors and Where They Come From (5:24)
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How Reactive Emotions and Behaviors Create Disconnection with Your Partner (2:51)
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Exercise - Map out Your Reactive Behaviors (and the Reactive Emotions They Stem From) and Share Them with Your Partner (4:04)
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PDF - Reactive Behaviors that Drive the Negative Cycle
The Deeper Emotions - Vulnerability
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Vulnerability - The Key to Connection with Your Partner (1:14)
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What is Vulnerability Exactly and how do I Know I'm Doing It? (4:37)
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Vulnerable Emotions and the Nervous System can be Driven by Negative Stories. Unfortunately We Don't Know it at the Time (3:04)
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Examples of Vulnerable Emotions Driven by Your Story and Resulting Expectation (6:47)
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Exercise - What are the Vulnerable Emotions Triggered by Your Stories and Beliefs? Write Them Down (4:11)
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Exercise - Share the Vulnerable Emotion You Discovered with Your Partner (4:30)
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PDF - Vulnerability
Vulnerable Feelings - How to Calm the Nervous System so that You can Access Them
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Why it's so Hard to Share Vulnerably (3:50)
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How to Create Safety in Order to Share Vulnerably (5:29)
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The Gift of Your Hard Work - Connection (3:15)
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Exercise - Box Breath and Calming the Nervous System (2:16)
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Exercise - Take time to Know You are Really Being Vulnerable - How to Support and Encourage Yourself in that Process (4:53)
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Exercise - Now that You are Feeling Safer, Share Something Vulnerable with Your Partner (5:18)
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PDF - Learning to Calm Down the Nervous System so that Vulnerability is Possible
Ok, Sounds Good, but How do I Really put This into Practice?
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Notice when the Negative Cycle is Happening and call it Out (4:43)
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The Function of the Time-Out and how to call it Responsibly (4:24)
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Calming the Nervous System and Making Your Partner Right (4:39)
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How to set the Stage to Share Vulnerably even when You Don't Want To (3:22)
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Exercise - Naming and Sharing Your Resistance - Tell Your Partner that You are Having Trouble Sharing Vulnerably (2:35)
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Exercise - Connecting the Dots - Sharing all the Layers (5:07)
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PDF - Reactive Behaviors and how They Fuel the Negative Cycle
Putting it All Together
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Remember the Most Important Thing - Vulnerability Equals Connection (1:57)
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It's Not Only About the Words - Learning how to Slow Your Reactions and Access Real Vulnerability (3:18)
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Being Patient with Yourself and Your Partner as You Work on Changing Patterns (3:37)
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Second and Third Chances (5:11)
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How to Keep Working on This - Give Yourselves Time and be Gentle (3:46)
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Exercise - More Practice Sharing Your Story, Reactive Emotions, Reactive Behaviors, and Your Underlying Vulnerability with Your Partner (2:40)
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Exercise - Setting Goals and Future Wishes with Your Partner (3:23)
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PDF - Summing it all Up
